July 31st 2003
This week has been incredible. First, I had an incredible time in Montreal at
the Just For Laughs festival. I don't want to brag but I was easily the best
one there. That's not just me saying it, oh no, they all said it, except the
Montreal Gazette, their stupid idiotic rag of a paper. Do I sound bitter?
Okay, here's the story about those terrible bad people. I usually don't
get caught up in petty stuff like this (who am I fooling I always get caught
up in petty stuff like this) but I must say I was flabbergasted at the
shabby treatment I received at the hands of this unreputable paper. Let me say first and foremost
I love Canada and had a wonderful time in this sweet and sensitive country. Unfortunately this
was offset by the following episode. Here's the story: The
Just For Laughs festival is basically a bunch of shows going on all around
town with many different comedians from all walks of life. At each show
various industry attend hoping to find the next Jerry Seinfeld. The biggest show, the mother of all shows, is simply called the
"Gala". The Gala is a televised show in a 3000 seat theater and it's a very
big deal to be invited. Well of course I was honored to have been
chosen to perform at Saturdays Gala and was looking forward to introducing
my form of comedy which I call "Retarded" to Canada. In addition
to the industry I spoke of every Gala is attended by 3 reviewers who work
for the above mentioned Montreal Gazette and their job is to give a review
of each nights show (there were 5 all together). Each Gala has a pretty
decent mix of comics from around the world and one black guy since it's now
the law. The show goes on and everyone is doing
really good. Right before me Rich Hall, of Sniglet fame, performs and does great and
then I followed and to be honest, I killed. So I come off feeling real
good about myself, being checked out by the ladies and am just feeling
really positive about being Mitch Fatel. Then some guy comes over to me and
says "You were easily the best!" and I reply "Wow, really do you think so?"
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Of course in my head I'm like "Absolutely, I was the best." Then he goes,
"You'll definitely win best act of the Gala."
Now this I have to admit I hadn't thought about. "Wow, do you really think so?" I fished. "I don't
think so, I know so!" was this geniuses reply. So now of course, I have to
win "BEST ACT" or I'm a total failure. So I go to sleep confidently, knowing I
will awake to "Best Act of Gala" or maybe, dare I dream "Best act ever to
visit Canada"? Who knew where it would end? Imagine my surprise when I
opened the paper the next morning and saw the following...
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Mitch and Rich
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"I remember me Nan's last words, what are you
doing with that hammer?" Don't you get it folks he killed his nan with a hammer, that kidder!
Maybe I just don't understand English humor. Seriously, when was the last time an English guy made you laugh?
Don't say Monty Python, everyone makes believe Monty Python is funny but inside we all know it sucks.
God that irks me, and I haven't been irked in awhile, come
to think of it I don't think I've ever been irked, what the hell does it
mean to be irked? Anyway, I don't know if I'm going to get a cool TV show
out of this yet, but I did get a lot of interest which is exactly what I
wanted. Everyone wants me to now pitch them some ideas. So now all I
have to do is come up with some ideas. Shit, this is harder than I
thought, does anyone have any ideas? How about Me as Aquaman or even better
how about I'm Aquaman and I kill me nan with a hammer? Now thats funny!
At least it would be a huge hit in England.
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Now the good news, which is really great news!! I'm an uncle. Oh my god
that's really big news for me since I don't plan on having kids so this is
the closest I'll get. My sister Kaurie had a girl named Sydney, how
beautiful is that name? I have friends who have kids but man it's different when you're
actually related to one. I can't believe I'm now Uncle Mitch. I'm uncle
friggin Mitch. I'm going to be the best Uncle ever.
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Sydney Jane
(The love of my life)
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Being an uncle I can
handle, it's being a Dad that would scare the hell out of me. I just don't
think I'd be a good dad. My kid would be like "Daddy why are there bad
people in the world who say you're not the best comic on a show when you
clearly are?" I'd be like "Because People are evil honey, now eat your
minestrone and/or beef and barley soup." Man, I like that minestrone soup, I
think it's my favorite. I also love egg drop soup but that's something you
only get at Chinese food places so I'd have to say all around Minestrone is
my favorite. Anyway I'm just real happy being Uncle Mitch, I have never in
my life loved somebody so fully and immediately as the day I found out about
Sydney. I promise I won't be one of those guys who just keeps posting
pictures of his niece constantly but you have to admit she is incredible and
I'm so happy and I love her so much!
Last piece of business and then I promise I'm done since my web boy Jason is
always like "Man your journals are too long" and I'm like "Yeah I'll work
 
on that" but in my head I'm like "Blow me." I just found out that I'm going
to be doing a remote for the Tonight Show from Sturgis. Sturgis is a town in
South Dakota where they hold the biggest biker rally in
the country. It's filled with thousands of Harley guys and biker chicks.
How cool is that? So anyway I'm going to be filming the
piece August 6th and then it's going to air August 12th so be sure and
watch. I don't know much about South Dakota except I think that's where
Mount Rushmore is and it's also one of those places where you never ever
meet anyone who is from there because it is a made up place.
Anyway, make sure to watch and tell me what you think. Unless you work at the
Montreal Gazette, instead then you can just watch repeats of Benny Hill,
he's such a hoot!
mitch
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