mitch's journal

September 14th 2003
Wow, I just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt I went out for sushi with Carrot Top and the winner of Last Comic Standing, Dat Phan. How weird is that? Surprise, it was no dream, but it sounds like one you would definitely have to work out in therapy if you had it. It is true though this week I found myself hanging out in sunny Las Vegas with Carrot Top and Dat Phan. Carrot Top We were all in town at the same time and it turns out that Carrot Top, who by the way is the coolest guy in the world, knew who I was and invited me to hang out with him and some friends. How Dat Phan got there I still don't really understand, I thought he was the driver at first, but he was a real nice guy and added a real cool oddness to the get together. Man Carrot Top is famous. Just walking through the casino with him was a trip to see all the girls go so crazy. Made me want to start gluing stuff together. The weird thing was how well we got along, he told me he wants to hang out again next time I'm in town. I'm looking forward to exploiting some of that hot Carrot Top groupie action. We even had a chance to go upstairs with some girls but they seemed a bit nutty so we declined. AT& T An orgy with Carrot Top now that would have been a weird dream and would have crossed #31 off of my list of things to achieve in life. As far as hanging again with Dat Phan, well... nice guy but If I'm going to hang with any reality guy it would be Joe Millionaire just so I could say that I met the world's stupidest human being. So anyway, now I have a high powered celebrity friend and it's Carrot Top, can anyone deny my ship has come in? I folks, am proud too that I dial down the center!

What the hell happened to the summer? Seriously wasn't it just June? Man that sucks. I guess it doesn't suck as much as it did when you were a kid. All that really changes now is you get cold whereas when you were a kid the end of the summer marked the beginning of that god-awful sick endless school season. It doubly sucked for me because the school season inevitably brought with it endless punishments and detention for talking in class. At least in camp even the counselors would let their hair down and laugh at a good nosepicking joke but for some reason the teachers always seemed to frown upon my creative outlets. I do remember really liking elementary school because it wasn't really hard work. The most challenging thing was writing that essay "What I did this summer" which for me was always the same, "This summer my Mommy told me I should leave and come back when I'm 18."Skirts Speaking of elementary school I remember in Kindergarten having the biggest crush on my teacher Ms. Mancuso, oh man was she hot. I swear to God I can still think about her and get turned on. She used to wear cute little mini skirts that drove me out of my mind. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate on my abc's when heaven was bending down in front of me. I wish I knew where she was today so I could bring her to a show and then live out my fantasies. If anyone knows Ms. Mancuso who taught at P.S. 31 in Yonkers, N.Y. please tell her little Mitch, the kid who used to bring her gifts, wants to give her a lesson of his own.Rogers Actually, now that I think about it she's probably 50 now. Holy shit, Ms. Mancuso is old! You know, I'd still fuck her, how do you like them apples? My other favorite teacher was Mr. McCandeles, I didn't have a crush on Mr. McCandeles though, he was just a really kind older man. Mr. McCandeles taught 5th grade and he was exactly like TV's Mr. Rogers, just that real calm kind of guy who never gets upset at anything. I remember once I stole a ton of stuff from all the kids in my class. One day I suddenly felt a wave of remorse about my life of crime and decided I would try to return my illegal stash and turn over a new leaf. I hatched a brilliant plan, I came to class early one morning and discreetly walked around the room putting everything back in everyone's desk. Mr. McCandles was grading papers and never knew what I was doing. Of course, looking back now I realize he obviously knew and never said anything about it, how cool is that? That's the kind of thing that still inspires me to this day. Come to think of it I'd fuck him too, if anyone knows where he is.

Zadi
Me and Ms. Zadi...I’ve been a bad bad boy.
The impressions teachers make on you is really incredible. It's amazing how much a part of your life they become. They are such Gods to you back then. I once dated a teacher named Tess, or Ms. Zadi as her students call her. She teaches first grade and she is hot. I mean she's not a Ms.Star Mancuso but she's got it going on. It's funny thinking that she's probably got so many boys in her class with crushes on her and I've actually been able to have sexual relations with that woman. I want so badly to walk into her class one day and announce that I saw their teacher's tushie the night before. If that didn't make me the hero of the classroom, nothing would. I still can't believe I had sex with a teacher. It was really good too, plus every time she had an orgasm I got a gold star.


Some fast career news and then I'm out of here. First thanks to everyone who wrote telling me they liked the Sturgis Leno piece. I am so happy when a piece does well because I put so much work into them. The worst is when you put in all the work and the piece blows. My worst piece ever, I think, was my camp piece. It's where I went to a camp and interviewed kids and halfway through realized kids kind of suck. They really don't have much to say and the things they think are funny really aren't. I'm not a real kid fan. The only ones I like are the intelligent boring ones. The other ones who eat grass and worms I can live without. I, believe it or not was the worm eating kid when I was young. I do feel validated though that contrary to what I was told back then I am able to make a living acting retarded.

In other career news I’ve just been offered a huge Canadian tour. I’m real happy about it but a bit freaked because it’s one month (21 shows) and I’ve never been on the road for one month straight. This is going to be really cool though, I’m going to be playing the best theaters all across Canada. It’s a tour of five comics put together by the Just For Laughs festival so it’s going to be first class. I can’t wait to have sex with many Canadian women across the land and learn if that rumor is true. (I don’t know exactly what that rumor is but I’m hoping I can start one)Manitoba I’ve posted all the places I'm going to be performing so please come out and say "Hi" if you live there. I can’t believe I’m actually going to be somewhere called Manitoba. It sounds so exotic, like a far off land. Here’s a deal, the first person to come up to me in Manitoba and say "Welcome to Manitoba, where all your fantasy’s come true!" will get a free copy of "Miniskirts and Muffins" my new CD due out sometime this winter. OK, another long journal completed that web boy Jason will hate having to post. Ahhh, life is sweet.



Mitch




Subscribe to Mitch Fatel's email newsletter to be notified via email of Mitch's CD release, upcoming TV spots, and anything else Mitch related.
SUBSCRIBE

Please send all comments to


Journal Archive
Current Journal
2005 Journals
2004 Journals
November 17th 2003
October 23rd 2003
September 14th 2003
August 18th 2003
July 31st 2003
July 7th 2003
June 15th 2003
May 25th 2003
May 6th 2003
April 20th 2003
April 8th 2003
March 31st 2003
March 24th 2003
March 17th 2003
March 7th 2003








© Copyright 2003 Mitch Fatel