November 17th 2003
Wow, that's all I can say is just wow! What an incredible time I just had
in Canada. I have so many cool photos to share and great stories. First I
want to apologize for not writing sooner. As most of my faithful journal
readers know I try to write a new hysterical journal at least twice a month,
but I got so caught up in traveling around Canada and performing in
different venues every night that I really had no time. Other comedians of
course will offer you a weekly journal that bores the shit out of everyone
(Typical Comedy Journal: And then I got high with fans and we ate Doritos,
man it was one crazy night!). Mitch Fatel, on the other hand, offers you a quality
journal chock full of humorous anecdotes and experiences,
albeit less often than the typical hack comedian website. As I mentioned
above, the tour was really just incredible except for the fact that I ate
like a friggin moose. Anyone who has met me knows that I'm a pretty small
guy and anything more than a cracker a day makes me plump up. Being fat on a
taller guy is okay because they have more room to put it, but if I become
fat it's got nowhere to go but my petite stomach leaving me a rotund little
man that scares children and families alike.
It was hard not to eat like a
pig though because we were treated like such stars on this tour and
everywhere we went they had these incredible platters that were waiting for us.
For a few shows we even had our very own pasta chef traveling
around with us, I mean seriously how cool is that?
I wound up
eating so much pasta that I shit a something funny here (please e-mail any
Regardless, I never could have expected this tour would have been
so incredible. The majority of the time we were in 3000 seat theaters
a few times we even played in stadiums.
Onstage at Mile One Stadium: Halifax, Nova Scotia
The people were also so great.
The first show we ever did we got a standing ovation which blew me away, little did I know that would continue for almost every show and by the last one I was so used to
them that if we didn't get one I thought we sucked.
I met so many great people, first and foremost were the other guys on the
tour. There were 3 Canadians, one Englishman and two Americans (including
We all got along really great. The host was a famous Canadian
named Rick Mercer. I was told when we started the tour how famous he was in
Canada but dismissed it thinking I had never heard of him but it was true
that dude is huge. Wherever we went people would go out of their minds to
meet him. He's very famous for something called "Talking to Americans" which
is a Canadian show where they ask Americans questions about Canada and
think its hysterical that we don't know the answers.
After having spent a month there though I gotta tell you, there's really not much
to know. They're all just really nice and they have whales, basically that
covers it all. Speaking of which I was very pissed off because the day we
were supposed to go whale watching they had to cancel due to inclement
Our first standing ovation (can you find me?)
However, I made up for it by meeting Ms. October from the Women of Canada calender.
Man was she hot. I know Marnie is going to kill me for
posting this picture but when you get a shot of Ms. October's thong sticking
out of her pants that would just be wrong to keep to yourself. For the
record though I want to state that I would never sleep with her and I find
her very unattractive and Marnie is much more beautiful and I'm not
just saying that because she reads every journal. :)
Click picture for thong close up.
One of the funniest things is how all the guys on tour got mad at me because
I wouldn't go drinking with them. I would drink more if I liked the taste of
alcohol but the only stuff I really like is girl drinks and I didn't want to
order a banana daiquiri in front of everyone. I do love those banana
I must be the gayest man alive without being
gay. Speaking of which, I wondered how I would get along with a bunch of
guys for four weeks straight. I was worried because I'm such a freak but everyone
seemed to really like me a lot and we all laughed so much. Luckily, a camera
crew followed us around to make a documentary of the tour which is going to
air on Canadian Television. I'll see if I can make that available for sale
when it comes out so my American fans can check it out.
"So where to now young fella with the nice eyes and pleasant demeanor?" you may ask.
Well, I've conquered Canada, I'm pretty much the biggest
star in America next to Michael Jackson so where does one go from here? I
think I may go on an Australian tour next. Apparently the people down under
are clamoring for a retarded comedian. My
agent wants me to go to LA for a month to audition for pilots but I'm
confused if I should.
I'm like the worst actor in history. I may be able to
pull off sitcom acting though. Honestly, if John Stamos can do it can it really be that hard?
I think the jist of it is you have to basically
walk into a room and say stuff like "Hey, that's my peanut butter assface!"
and then make that sitcom face.
Here's my sitcom face, what do you think?
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I spent it with my sister who
served half cooked turkey so I'm going to be fighting off the Triganosis for
the next few days. Hope to see
you guys in Atlantic City next week and be sure to come spend New Years
with me at Caroline's on Broadway, we'll bring in 2004 together getting loaded on banana daiquiris.
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