March 17th 2003
I'm back from Tempe!! God it feels good to be home. I have just been out for 3 weeks straight and it's nice to sleep in my own bed tonight. What a great week I just had. On Thursday I hung out with the Angels and taped a pretty good piece with baseball players. Watch it on Wednesday the 26th on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, it may not be the funniest piece I've ever done but it's worth it just to see first baseman Scott Spezio teach me how to adjust myself like a big leaguer. My favorite player was David Eckstein who is only about 5'6 so of course he's my hero. If you watch baseball you know that he was one of the heroes in the Angels World Series win last year. He taught me how to hit and I taught him how to play Jacks (tune in and you'll understand).
I also just found out that I'm going to be interviewed by Penthouse Magazine. I like Penthouse girls, they are sexy and give me erections. I think more guys actually read Penthouse than Playboy. Playboy magazine was always the magazine you'd find in your grandfather's drawer. I used to get more aroused by the stupid cartoons than the girls themselves who looked fake to me. The Penthouse girls on the other hand always seemed very real to me. More importantly the Penthouse girls are always waxed. When a girl is waxed it makes me feel very special inside, it just makes me think that even with everything going on in Iraq things are going to be okay.
Waxing is a wonderful procedure, how come we don't celebrate the inventor of waxing? If it weren't for him I'd have to go on stage with my face all scratched up. Whoever you are, you
sir are a true hero!
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Dr. Baron Von Waxenhoffer (Father of waxing)
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mitch
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