mitch's journal

April 8th 2003
gay It’s official, the gays love Mitch Fatel. I received an e-mail from a very nice gay man this week. Here it is:
mitch,
I sent a couple of your tv spots to a few friends of mine. They're really funny. When are you doing a comedy club in Boston? I’ll take you out on my bike. You can ride side saddle. Woo hoo! Maybe in the gay pride parade in Boston this june. Now that would be a hoot!
Tom


First of all let me just say on the record I could never be gay. Don’t get me wrong, it seems like an incredible lifestyle. You get to go to Broadway shows and bathhouses. I love baths. Plus, no one’s ever yelling at you to put down the toilet seat. Of course the only drawback would be every now and then some guy does weird stuff to your butt. I don’t like when people play with my butt. I mean occasionally an errant pinky in the vicinity can be a treat for anyone but we're talkin heavy duty usage here. I have a gay friend Chris (very handsome if anyone out there needs a guy) and he told me that on a gay date you have sex first and then decide if you like the person enough to go out to dinner. Now that is a perk! If that fact alone hasn’t made me gay I’m pretty sure I’m sticking with the girls.boobs I just love the girls. Girls and their wonderful breasts. God I love those breasts. Seriously, good job on the breasts ladies. I don't know what it is about them but man they're special. They don't even do anything, they just bounce up and down but for some reason it makes me very happy. If I was gay I would miss breasts so much, every night I would just stare out the window like "Breasts, where are you?"

Speaking of breasts and e-mails this has been one of the more interesting weeks for e-mails. Here’s another one I received that... well just read it:

mitch,

I write you after doing some thinking about my life and where I want to go. I would be lying if I said I didn’t love being physically beautiful. My beauty is something I want made public, (I really hope I am not turning you off by sounding conceded or greedy). To reach the status I crave, I would like to appear in a particular magazine. To be blunt: I want to be in Playboy magazine. I have debated the issue with my conscious and I have come to the realization that I don’t think it is pornography, but a way to express my femininity.

I write to you because as a professional comedian I wonder if you know a way for me to appear in this magazine or what process I should go by to be in it.

Rita


I love seeing someone taking the initiative. As for what process to go by I’m going to go out on a limb here and say taking off your clothes and sending me naked pictures would be a good start. Always happy to help out my fans. This is actually a good chance for me to say to all my female fans, I am here to help. I am a very busy man but feel it isOld Guy my duty to help out others who are pursuing careers in the business and if you need a guiding hand to... okay fuck it, just send me your naked pictures!!! Sorry about that. I don’t like cursing I’m from the old school. I think it sounds way cooler to say "Oh sugar" instead of it's dirtier counterpart. Be warned though, if you walk around saying "Oh sugar" chances are you're not going to have any friends under 80, so use it at your own risk.


The Ring One more thing, great film, please see "The Ring". Man did I love this film. I wouldn’t have even seen it except I have the most enormous crush on Naomi Watts Watts (Who was in Mulholland drive, my pick for best film of 2002) . All I can say is this film scared the living sugar out of me. Wow it felt good to be that freaked out watching a movie. I describe it as a mix between "the others" and "the sixth sense". Please see it and tell me if you agree. Other than that, nothing else to report, enjoying a few weeks off here in NYC and loving it. Getting ready to go to Minnesota to record my live CD so wish me luck and be sure to come back to the site and buy it. Remember the first 50 people to buy the CD get a naked back rub from me, yes that includes you Tom!


Bye everyone,

mitch



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