November 15th, 2006

Well I guess it will never come to pass. This year I came so close to doing it, to living out every man's fantasy...the dream, the ultimate pinnacle, the final frontier for all men...Of course, if you're a guy, you know what I'm talking about "The Threesome" (Audience Gasps). Yes, you heard me right, Mitch Fatel actually came close to having a threesome but in the long run, sadly, the deal would not be closed.


It wasn't for lack of trying however. This woeful tale begins in Detroit Michigan (Threesome capital of the world and home to Eminem) about 3 months ago. It started with a fine show and many excited fans including one hot girl (who will be referred to as "Hottie") who asked me to meet her at a bar later that night. Being that I care so much about my fans I could not let this young lady down. I arrived at the bar at the specified time and saw her immediately. However much to my chagrin (first time I've ever used that word and I'm promising myself right now I will never use it again) I quickly noticed that she had brought a friend with her. The friend, though really attractive, was on the heavier side. We will refer to her as "Chubby". My first thought was "Oh no" because every guy knows the friend can only mean one thing, there is masturbation in your near future. The night quickly took a welcome turn however when they both started flirting with me and touching my legs. As every guy knows once the leg is touched the penis takes over from there. Since this is the case I think it is now a good time to let my penis guest comment from his perspective. Mitch's Penis: Thanks Mitch, I got it from here. As Mitch has mentioned the two girls, Hottie and Chubby were now flirting with Mitch at the bar. Now as we all know Mitch has become way to famous to have sex with just "Chubby" maybe when he was an open miker, but he has definitely moved on to a higher echelon of woman due to his many television and radio appearances. However, a porker mixed with a hot girl makes for one fantastic story and so Mitch gave me the okay to court both of these young ladies. I'll now hand this back to Mitch: Thanks Penis! So at this point I'm sitting there having both my legs rubbed and I start thinking, "Holy shit, could this be the night that I finally take a journey into magical territory?" Knowing only a few lucky men have pulled off this feat before me only fueled my desire. My answer would soon come in the form of a lovely question from the hottie, and I quote "Lets all go skinny dipping in your hot tub." "Everything is possible through Jesus!" I thought and quickly exited with my harem and made our way up to my room. Never was I more excited then this moment. However, there was one small problem, the fact that in 2 minutes we would be in my room and I would have to answer for the fact I didn't have a hot tub. As soon as we walked in, Hottie exclaimed, "Where's the hot tub?" I was like "Oh wow, look at that, it's just a tub! Huh, look at that, oh well, lets just all get naked and shower." That idea was quickly quashed as we all kind of realized Chubby probably wouldn't fit in good for this scenario. So at this point they just got on the bed and started watching TV as I frantically searched my brain for ways to save the dream. I excused myself to go get ice so that I could think things through. Calling the other comic for roofies was out of the question because it was about 2AM. I walked back in a beaten man. However, my sadness quickly turned to elation as I saw that while I was away Chubby had removed her mini-skirt and was laying there in nothing but sexy heart panties. "It's on!" I thought. "The dream is alive!" I got on the bed and immediately Chubby and I started making out. Hottie was just watching TV so doing my manly duty I quickly moved to get her involved. "Why don't you join us?" I queried. At that point you would have totally thought this was going to happen. I started making out with both of them, and Chubby started rubbing my penis. I then took off hotties pants and at this point if you were a betting man you would think your payoff was in the bag. Sadly though, I cannot tell a lie as this story has a tragic ending. As I now know you can never count your vagina's before they hatch. Suddenly out of nowhere the hottie says, "Why don't you guys just have a good time, I'm going to watch TV." and just like that my dreams go poof.
Been there.... done that.

Now suddenly Chubby starts going crazy, pulls me in the bathroom and suddenly this threesome now becomes me reliving every sexual experience from high school. I do have to be honest, it was great sex, I forgot how hard chubby girls will work for you, but still, it wasn't a threesome. The next day I was so confused as to what happened and lo and behold hottie e-mails me and tells me she basically chickened out because she had never done it before. Then she gives me all these lines about how badly she still wants me and the next time I'm in her town she can't wait to prove it. She even said she will bring another girl and make my dreams come true. I will let you know if this actually comes to pass but I'm not holding my breath and neither should you.

Now just a few things before I sign off. First, I was so proud to win the Sirius World Series of Comedy this month. I really didn't think I had a chance as I was up against some formidable competition. But my fans came through for me and brought this longshot all the way and I want to thank everyone for voting for me. You guys really take care of me an I just want to let you know it means a lot to me and makes up for the fact my parents beat me. Also, for everyone whose been asking about my Comedy Central special. I was told they will give me the exact date soon and when they do I promise to drop everyone an e-mail (sign up using the form at the top right side of the page if you're new to the Mitch Fatel Experience).

Thank you everyone for voting for me!

I'm really excited about it because if it's as well received on TV as it was live I'm going to be a big star and not only have threesomes but foursomes. Jesus, imagine having a foursome, four vaginas arranged in diagonals on your bed. I would be out of my mind. Since I'm OCD and would want to make sure I got everyone an equal amount of time I think I would set a timer. 4 per vagina, maybe 3 for the chubby one. I'm sure that will leave her very chagrined...fuck!


November 2007
May 2007
November 2006
May 2006
Journal Archive

© Copyright Mitch Fatel
ZIP Code

Please upgrade your flash player.