May 15th, 2007

Hello old fans and welcome new fans! For anyone that's a regular reader of my journal we have to make all my new comedy central fans feel comfortable in our perverted family.

As you probably know my Comedy Central special ran about a month ago and as predicted the world will never be the same. The response has really been incredible. I'm becoming a very big star and touching lots of firm breasts that heretofore were unavailable for my fondling. If you want to see a clip from the special go to the comedy central sight (click the pic) and watch it there. Go a lot because they log how many visits I get and then they will replay my special a lot and soon I will be having orgys that all my top fans are invited to! The weird thing about getting famous is girls actually get nervous when they come up to me to say hi.
Hot Asian Girls

At one show these really hot Asian girls came over and wanted to take a picture I was laughing inside because I knew these are the kind of hot girls who would usually ignore me in the mall. Many times mall security kicked me out for making girls like this uncomfortable and suddenly they're taking pictures with me and telling me how much they love me! I love malls lately. Man, girls have really learned to dress. I was in a mall the other day and there was this young girl wearing a miniskirt so high you could see her ass poking out the bottom.

God bless the youth of today.

I think she was barely 18 and I actually felt like a pedophile she was so young. I'm 31 so it's starting to seem like maybe I shouldn't be looking at 18 year old girls but then I laugh off that absurd notion. I dated a 19 year old last year and my mom was so confused. She would say, "What could you possibly have in common with a 19 year old girl?" I would find this question very silly. "It's crazy, but my Penis and her Vagina love to play together." Speaking of my penis, I really want to give it a shout out. It's amazing how dependable the little guy is. No matter how tired he is as soon as his services are needed he's right there ready to get to work. You'd think there would have to be a warm up period before the first batter but he's warmed up right out of the box. Even if I'm just talking to a girl in a bank he's right there like "I'm here if you need me dude." The other thing that's happened since my special aired is my myspace site is taking off and overloaded with comments.
I feel so popular for the first time in my life. Thank god I wasn't popular in high school because it seems to me the kids that were most popular back then lead boring lives or work at Lowes. I was so unpopular it was scary. I wasn't disliked, just really not loved. Everyone knew who i was and I guess they thought I was funny but I was never in any group or invited to parties. Even the nerds had their own group where they would study worms under microscopes but all I did on the weekends was watch porn and dream of being famous. Little did I know I was a brilliant comic in the making. Suddenly now I'm always invited to parties and people want to talk to me. I want to be a kid again like this. The best part is I would want to redo losing my virginity because now that I know what I'm doing it would be so much better. I would be the greatest guy for a girl to lose her virginity to. I would be so tender and loving. Plus I would make sure to make it an event to remember. I would hire a clown to make balloon animals and have James Blunt playing live while we did it. Okay well that's my journal for May. As all my current fans know I try to write one once a month to update everyone on my life. I usually go about two months though before I write one thought because I get so friggin busy but Webboy Jason who takes care of everything on my sight eventually nags me enough to get one out so that's kind of our system. Feel free to write me at to ask me any questions. I try to write back everyone and eventually I get to it when I'm on a plane or something so be patient. Also make sure to spread my videos from Comedy Central on the web. The more people know about the magic of mitch the more I'll tour and come to towns near you to spread my cheer and various STD's. And remember, I love my fans...I love my dead gay fans! (See "Heathers" if you don't understand that last part).


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