January 9, 2008

I did it, I finally got my tattoo! After 32 years I finally had the balls! I will not tell you what it is but here's a picture of it. If you can guess what it is tell me at I will answer you only if you are correct.

My bad ass Tat! (No, it's not a leaf)

If you don't get an answer that doesn't mean you're being ignored, it just means your guess sucks ass. Actually, if you're the first person to answer correctly Webboy will send you a free CD. I didn't know if I would actually go through with it but now that I have it I love it. I can't believe how boring my wrist was without it. The weird thing about getting a tattoo is the second the guy starts it you just have this incredibly freaky feeling like, "Well, it's there for life, I hope I like it" It's an amazing and scary feeling at the same time. I even said to my friend "Oh my god, this is going to be on me in twenty years!"
Can someone please beat this guy to death with his own arm...wait till he votes for me first though : )

To which she replied "It's going to be on you when you die" and I think that really brought it home for me. I also love that people have to figure out what I have instead of just some stupid skull smoking a water bong (Actually that sounds kind of cool for my second one). It's definitely better than one of those boring tribal tattoos! (Unless you have one, and then it's cool, but just on you, and only if you vote for me in the Comedy Central Contest - see below)

What Comedy Central Contest you ask while you eat a banana and pet your Chihuahua. Well, I'm in this Comedy Central contest I didn't even know I was in until Webboy e-mailed me about it. Apparently, people have to vote for their favorite comedian (that would be me, if you're not lame and have Aids and/or Syphilis) at Comedy then they're going to countdown the top 20 specials starting on Jan 27th. You must vote for me! I'm number 15 in voting right now and I haven't even told my e-mail list about it yet so lets show these bitch's how it's done. I'm seriously expecting the Super Retardo Brigade to bring this home. Actually just being in the top ten would make me happy, just make sure to get everyone involved and voting for me because that would be a great thanks for all the countless penis jokes I've written for you over the years.
My sister. She so horny, she love you long time (after you vote)

I wish I could say I have some formidable competition or that I'm up against a lot of good comics but honestly everyone else kinda sucks. Plus, if I win they will play my special more which will make people rape less and the world will be a happier place. If that's not enough incentive every girl who votes for me I will perform cunnilingus on you (that's eating you out for girls in Ohio) and every guy who votes for me can sleep with my sister, so we all win! Just click the badge below me to vote. (If you have a tribal tattoo a badge is the thing with my name and picture on it below).

I hope everyone had a good new years. I had an amazing one in San Francisco. As you may or may not know I hate Christmas so New Years is my favorite because it signifies a year before I have to panic again when I realize I haven't shopped for anyone a day before Christmas. I will admit this Christmas was kinda fun because I spent it with my friends family and they're really nice and sweet and a real family, they actually like being together and stuff. My family, we all love each other, but you always get the feeling someone's going to be stabbed before the night is through. Plus my family is tiny. It's just My Mom and Dad, Sister and her kids and husband. Even her kids just look around like, "This is our shitty family huh?" My friend's family is like the one you see in movies with Aunts and Weird Uncles, Great Grandparents and Cousins that stay in the bathroom a little to long with a Cosmopolitan Magazine, the whole shebang. I used to hate that my family was so dysfunctional but quite honestly now I realize a comic from a good family is never funny.
Family Matters, happy family and not funny.

There's something about having a lonely painful childhood that just makes you funny. Anyone from a good family is never funny. Okay now go help me make up for my shitty childhood with a vote for me. Vote every day or I'll force everyone to spend next Christmas with me and my family. Believe me, voting will cause you a lot less pain!


seriously, stop reading, go vote.



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