July, 2008

Sing!!!! I'm so happening, I'm so happening, I'm happening, happening, happening. NOW YOU: Mitch's so happening, Mitch's so happening, he's happening, happening. Forgive my bragging, but I'm just really happening right now. Comedy Central has just informed me they want to do a one hour special with me. How cool is that? I'm going to most likely be taping it Jan of 2009, I would love to have you guys come to the taping. It's going to be mostly new stuff plus some old bits I used to do in the early days that I'm going to dust off.

Tempe Improv

I haven't figured out where I want to tape it yet, but I'm leaning really heavily towards the Improv in Tempe Arizona. I just performed 6 sold out shows there and every audience was better then the next and the room was outstanding. Speaking of specials, they're re-running my Comedy Central half hour special Sat July 5th at 1:30 PM as some sort of Independence Day Weekend marathon, so make sure to have a Mitch Fatel Independence day picnic and get all your friends to watch so we can spread the Fatel infection. If you send me pictures of your Mitch Fatel Picnic I will post them. (I guess in order to make it a mitch fatel picnic all the girls have to be wearing miniskirts and muffins must be available). If by chance you miss it, they're going to re-air it again a few weeks later July 23rd at 12PM, so that day you can have a Mitch Fatel Lunch Break at the office party. Man I'm filled with ideas. No wonder I'm so happening.

Onto matter number two: Webboy has been annoying the shit out of me telling me I have to remind everyone that if you haven't yet signed up for my new facebook page you should do it now. Personally I spend a lot more time on Myspace. Facebook is cool and I go on there once a day to check my messages and stuff, but I'm old school and prefer Myspace.
My Facebook...Seriously?

Facebook is just too confusing and it's got all those weird applications that everyone's always asking me to join. I get tons of these stupid ass messages "You've been poked by Hot girl, want to poke her back?" "Mandy is itching your ass, do you want to itch hers?" Next thing I know I'm signing up for some weird "Ass scratch" application and I have to let them have access to my ass history. Give me the simplicity of Myspace. You join and masturbate to hot girls on their sites, simple, no joining applications or putting links under your pictures! I do have to say Myspace has changed dating forever. For the first time you can see exactly what someone looks like and if you like them, you get to see before you spend to much time on them if you'll even get along. It says "Hottie with Big Tits wants to be your friend." Then you click on Hottie with Big Tits and you see her top friends are all rappers, convicts and bodybuilders and she's got 12 kids and you're like "Okay, I won't be writing Hottie with Big Tits back". Myspace can also mess you up really bad though. I honestly spent like a month having phone sex with this insanely cute girl named Piper. I really liked her and spent massive time on the phone with her (see picture).
The "Alleged" Piper! Who wouldn't want to hit this?

She lived in Chicago and when I was there she was supposed to show up at a show for dinner and hot sex. Well you can guess the rest. Never showed up. I figured she wasn't who she said she was and let it go. But then out of nowhere she called and said she had been abducted and raped! Me being the sweet guy I am was devastated about this for days and remained friendly with her. I felt so terrible and then the truth slowly started dribbling in (through some research) that this was a big lie and Piper WASN'T PIPER AT ALL, but some entirely different, quite rotund, lady. Quite honestly I had no problem with her rotund ness, and if she would have just admitted to me that she had been lying I still would have been her friend, but the fact that she made up this sick rape story that basically traumatized me made me hate her guts and hope that she eats a really bad egg sandwich and throws up and has stomach pains for at least 4 hours. It wasn't even like an old picture of her, she actually stole someone else's picture and made me think that's who I was talking to. Basically I was having a phone sex relationship with a made up girl.
The "Real" Piper...(re-enactment)

Very unfair. Now I'm dying to know who the picture of the girl was, so if you happen to know the girl who really is in the picture I have to know because I feel like I already know her and I want her to know someone stole her identity (and also do her doggy style). Regardless now I'm a lot more careful on Myspace, and you should be too or you'll find yourself having phone sex with Louie Anderson too. If you have any good myspace horror stories make sure to write me at and I'll put the best one in my next journal.

Okay, well enjoy July 4th and your Mitch picnics and work days. I'm going to be on tour for the next few months hitting tons of cities so hopefully I'm coming somewhere near you. Actually my entire 2008 schedule is pretty much booked so make sure to check my tour dates to see when I'm going to be close to you. If I'm not coming then make some noise people...don't keep writing me asking me when I'm going to come friggin Landolakes, Michigan, call your local comedy club and demand me, that's how it works. If enough people call the club they will know they can't get away with shitty comedians and will put out the offer to get me there! I'd love to come to see everyone.


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