mitch's journal

January 18, 2005

How does one start a journal that will easily be the proudest one he's ever had to write? I guess he should just jump in and say it. I, Mitch Fatel, had dinner with a legend. I believe you've heard of the infamous Jessie James? For people who have never watched porno, I speak not of the infamous boring gunslinger Jesse James.
I speak of porno legend and actress Jessie James. You may not actually know her name but I'm pretty sure you'll know who she is by her face and kick ass body. For the uninformed I will explain. Back in the late 80's when I was just a young child with a constant erection, Jessie James exploded on to the scene and became a bonified porno star.
Jesse James
Jessie James porno star.

I remember really liking her, not because she was hot, she is pretty but not in the typical porno Jenna Jameson way. Jessie actually became famous because she was just so damn good at what she did. Whereas other porno stars always have that look like they were waiting to get paid Jessie looked like she was just loving it. ( I learned this was actually the case, more on this later) I should also mention for anyone that may be wondering, the answer is "No" I did not get to live out my fantasy and have sex with a porn star. I probably could have but her stupid husband was there too and had to ruin everything! I also forgot to bring my camera which would have been really cool, I mean she’s a porn star so I know it would have been a great picture! I'll be sure next time I see her to get one. Here’s how it all happened. I was playing in Florida at a club called Sidesplitters and afterwards was getting ready to leave when the other comedian was like, “Did you meet the porn star?” "What are you talking about?” I inquired. He explained that this local girl had become a big porno star and still lived in the area and was at my show. I asked what her name was and they said “Jessie James” and my penis nearly hit my chin! I was like “Holy shit, I’ve masturbated to Jessie James!” (Sadly, those were my exact words). Anyway they told me she liked me and wanted to meet me. I actually got really nervous, I was like, "Oh my god, should I give her a copy of miniskirts and muffins?" The other comedian was like, "Dude you're shaking!" So I signed one for her and wrote, "I'm a big fan" (looking back I probably could have written something funny like "Ewww, what's in your hair?" but I couldn't even think. This is a big star.) So anyway, I went out and gave it to her and she asked me to have a drink. Since I only like pathetic girl drinks like Banana Daquiris and stuff I almost panicked!
Jesse James
Banana Daquiri's, now that's a drink!

Proudly though I sucked it up and ordered a disgusting beer, proving anyone can do anything if they put their mind to it. I got Corona because that's the one that comes with a lime! The rest was like a dream. We actually got into a deep conversation about our lives. We talked for hours. We talked about our childhoods, our dreams, getting double penetrated in the anus (most of that was on her part). She told me how funny I was and touched my arm a few times which made me shiver. That's when I thought, "Holy shit, I may actually sleep with a porn star“ and then I met her husband David : (

I know what you're thinking, I didn't know porno stars get married either but apparently the one porno star I get to meet has a husband. The truth is her husband was a great guy and they were actually childhood sweethearts. They did tell me that they swing so if I really wanted to and it didn't get to late I probably could have had sex with Jessie if I agreed to let her husband take pictures of it or some crazy shit like that. The truth is, I would be way to intimidated to have sex with a porn star. I mean, this is a true pro we're talking about! Sure I have 2 or 3 tricks I can do on someone whose been with less than 500 people but after that I don't think I'm really qualified. I was happy just talking to her and learning about the life of a porn star. I asked her if she had ever really had an orgasm in any of her films and she said that she actually did multiple times in the film “Up your ass part 6” (which for my money was the crown jewel of the "up your ass" series) So if you ever want to see a film where a porno star is really having fun
Up the Ass Part 6
"Up Your Ass Part 6" starring the future Mrs. Fatel, Jessie James.

"Up your ass part 6" is the film for you. I also asked her why the guys in porno are so mean to the girls today. It's really one of my pet peeves, I want to see a guy have sex with a girl, not beat the crap out of her. She agreed and said that they really treat the girls bad today and she wouldn't have gotten into it back then if it was like it is today. So anyway, that's my life changing porno experience that I'm so proud of and has made my life complete. I learned a lot that night, I learned that porno stars are people too and even though we may look down at them, we all have a porno star in us and…oh damn, I don't know what I'm saying, I just want to go watch "Up your Ass Part 6" again and am trying to end this as fast as possible.
Before I go though I do want to mention that I will be on the Tonight Show this Thursday the 18th (rerun at 2AM on January 27th). I did what I hope is a pretty funny piece from the International Auto show in Detroit. Tell me what you think of it. Also, my article that I wrote for Playboy is out now. It's the February issue with Teri Polo on the cover. So far everyone that read it told me it's great so that makes me feel really good because now I feel like I have a backup career if acting retarded ever fails me! Anyway, please pick up a copy and give me your feedback on that as well. I love you guys, thanks for being such great fans!


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