Wow, it's been way too long for a new journal. I'd apologize except it's totally free so

Mitch on the can.

if you're mad at me SUCK IT! Sorry, I just always wanted to say that. I should have had it ready sooner but I was in Ireland at the Kilkenny Comedy Festival (named after the amazing Irish town) and have just now been getting caught up. I figured I would make the wait worth it for you by starting out with me on the toilet. I think I'm two here and the sad thing is I don't look much different today and I still use that potty trainer. Ireland, by the way, was incredible. Those 5 minutes a day when it stops raining are magically delicious. The Irish people have gotten so used to the rain they don't even use umbrellas. Irish people really are great. They are incredibly fun and when they drink, which is pretty much all day, they drop their money all over the place so you can make a nice amount just following them around.

One Million Euros

I also sold a ton of CD's and they paid for them in Euros which I found out are worth more here in the United States so now I love Ireland doubly. I was even asked to come back and do an Irish TV show so now I may become a

I'd like to get into her pot of gold (I have no idea what that means either)

huge star in Ireland, which means lots of sex with drunk red headed girls. It's always fun playing these festivals because you get to share the stage with other comics from around the world and you get to see what makes other people in the world laugh. It's also fun to see how the people in a foreign country respond to you. I guess acting retarded is Internationally funny because the Irish people loved me and kept buying me beer. Speaking of being a world traveler I'm writing this journal now from Atlantic City, New Jersey so I have come full circle from the emerald green shores of Europe to the grey armpit of America, that's seeing it all. I'm here taping my next correspondence piece for the Tonight Show. I just finished today. It was from the Police and Security expo and I have to say I'm pretty sure it's going to be one of the best I've done. Please don't miss it. The expo is a trade show for cops with a lot of kick ass stuff you can buy to hurt bad people. Only cops were allowed in, so it was really fun to see all this stuff you usually can't see. I played this incredible SWAT hostage simulator where you get to see how you would do if you had to go into a house where someone was being held hostage. As you will see, I'm really not the guy to call unless you hate the hostage. I do have to say my hair looked awesome for this piece so if you don't like my humor my hair is definitely a compelling reason to watch. It airs Friday the 22nd of July with Robert Plant as the musical guest. I didn't think the cops would play along but most of them did and it looks so funny so make sure to watch!