Hey everybody. Here is my first journal entry. Every week I'm going to write cool stuff about girls I meet and stuff (and guys if they're nice and don't have beer breath and attack me outside after shows and tell me to come to work with them and see how funny everybody at work is and start telling me jokes that I have to fake laugh at). I have lots of cool stuff going on this week. I'm flying out to Tempe Arizona to tape a correspondent piece for the Tonight Show. I'm going to be spending the day with the Anaheim Angels at spring training. They don't know when it's going to air yet. Jason, my web dude will post it as soon as we know. I hope it's funny.
Speaking of the Tonight Show, I was booked to do my stand up on March 28th but that was postponed because they just booked Bernie Mac and didn't want two funny guys on the same show. I've never seen his show but he seems like a funny guy. I am not black but he is. I'm okay with it being moved because I think we're about to go to war and no one would be watching anyway. Maybe if the war goes good I will be able to do the show with Saddam Hussein. He is Iraqi. I've never met an Iraqi but I think they are hairy. Anyway, make sure to check back for the date because I swear it will be the best stand up set ever on tv in the history of television or I will suck your toes, but if it is (and you're a girl) you have to suck my toes. That's fair. Deal?
I'm real tired now because I just finished a 2 week tour and when I was packing in Atlantic City I somehow knocked the TV off the desk and it broke into a thousand pieces (this is true) and I am in trouble now and I am going to act like I don't know it happened and I had nothing to do with it, so make believe you didn't even just read this.
Okay I hope everybody is good and I will speak to you next week.