June, 2010

I'm having a good life but I think I may have been born at the wrong time. I just found out teenagers are having a lot more fun then I ever did. I just had a fan write me and tell me about something called a "lipstick party". Now I think I may be the last one to find out about these but in case you haven't heard, it's apparantly what the "kids" are doing these days.

Lipstick parties, myth or miracle?

I don't know if this is just a rumor started to drive me crazy, but from what I understand these parties are basically a bunch of teenagers who get together at their parent's house while Mom and Dad are away, and the girls then engage with the boys in what can only be described as the most insanely beautiful, yet hideous activity. Just having girls over when I was a kid was enough, but now, get this, the girls put on different color lipsticks and the guys vie to get as many different colors of these lipsticks onto their penises! YES, their PENISES! Not following, let me spell it out for you! The girls perform oral sex on the guys and the guy who can get as many different color lipsticks on his member wins. Personally, I would say just being invited to this party makes you an epic winner! I don't know if this is a myth, so if you've ever engaged in one of these parties please let me know ASAP and send along all pics and documentation to verify. Further, if you are planning a lipstick party in the future and need entertainment I Mitch Fatel would be happy to come and entertain for a very nominal fee. I also will make sure no one gets hurt. Oral sex when done the wrong way can cause extreme pain and discomfort to both parties so I will be happy to observe and gives tips and pointers to make sure the game is played both safely and fairly.
Now I realize I may be walking a thin line here because I guess sometimes these parties can involve underage teenagers but that's another reason to have me at your next lipstick party as I also make sure to check ID'S at the door and anyone not of age will get a firm lecture by me on the importance of homework and how to find other activities like bird watching that is just as enjoyable as a lipstick party.

Even if I was a teenager, I probably wouldn't ever be invited to a party this cool. I just wasn't a popular kid. I'm a popular adult, which I'll take but it would probably torture me if I was a teenager and knew there were lipstick parties going on I wasn't invited to. I will say I actually had a decent amount of sex as a teenager, nothing like kids today but I would get kinda lucky every few months.
16 year old Mitch, with my "first"...
after that I dated her pants for two years.

I even lost my virginity to a hot girl so that's my big claim to fame. I have a friend who actually just admitted to me he lost his virginity to a prostitute. To make matters worse it was an ugly prostitute. Jesus, what could be worse? I mean if you're paying for a prostitute I would think you would at least find a smoking hot one so you could look back on the memory with happiness and erections. He told me he called an escort service and they sent over an old and overweight woman, but he didn't want to make her feel bad by not doing it with her. Because of course, logic dictates that an old overweight prostitute must be having the happiest life ever, so why needlessly ruin her day?

Speaking of having a good life. I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for making my DVD Mitch Fatel is Magical a huge hit. It is consistently in the top 100 Stand up DVDS on Amazon so I'm pretty thrilled. The other cool thing is I just got a new "say now" number. This is pretty cool though I haven't really learned exactly how to use it yet so go slow with me, but apparently if you call this number 914-984-5991 then you can magically hear a message from me and you can also leave me messages. I thought this is what an answering machine does, but my Web boy promises me that it's supposed to be so much better. Just try it and we'll see together, as a family.

Hope everyone has a great July 4th. I was going to see my family but they disinvited me when I suggested we have a lipstick party. Here's to a great summer, I'll be hitting a lot of cities on my 2010 tour so make sure you come out and girls don't forget your lipsticks : )


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